…….I mean in a nutshell … by Vishnu Hathiramani vishnu@skybroadband.com.ph
Updated November 27
I have just returned from the Valiram-Budhrani wedding which was held in KL, Malaysia. Great wedding. Great people. Great Hospitability. The article of this wedding will appear on www.sindhitattler.com soon.
The main topic is the financial crisis which has hit the world, and the Sindhis who have been affected by that. Bottom-line: The total Loss in US$ would easily be about a Billion dollars. Very rough estimate, but within the range.
One of the best quote made by a Sindhi: “I entered the stock market with lots of capital and no experience. After the crisis, I have lots of experience and no capital”.
The worst hits are the Sindhis of HK. Singapore business is dead. Manila has few investors who have been hard hit. Sindhis of Nigeria, London, and Panama have been highly affected.
India is another place where properties have dropped by 40%. Paper Profit, Paper Loss.
A confirmed report says that a Sindhi went up to his religious leader [Maharastra based] and cried in front of him and the public, and made a statement that he is completely finished with all his riches, and now has no money even for a cup of coffee [ tea?]. This person should be respected for his courage and admission. It is better to say it all and become a winner in the eyes of the people and earn their respect, than to pretend to be rich and people doubting your statement. I am sure that this man lightens his heart, and could sleep well hence forth.
Those not involved in investments have not been hit. GREED is the main reason many have been hit. Accumulators are the worst killer.
Remember that “Noah’s Ark” was built by an amateur while the “Titanic” was built by a Professional. Now the quiz question: Which ship sank?
Another person believes the best support that must be given to the hard hit investor is first by his family. The wife must stand by him; the kids must cut their expense and understand that branded bags, trips overseas, and newer versions of products are not recommended now.
Did you know that there were 3 Lehman Brothers? Everyone is now looking for the Lehman Sisters. The reason is they want to do to them what the brothers have done to them, the investors.
What's the capital of Iceland? About $20
I went to an ATM today, and it instructed me to get the 200$ withdrawal next week.
Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."
In Soviet countries, banks rob people because that is where the money is!
Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon? A: A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
Q: What is the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A: The pizza can still feed a family of four.
How does the stock market work?
Once a gentleman and his assistant arrived at the town, dressed well, checked in a 5 Star hotel, and put an ad in the page of the local newspaper, announcing that they wanted to buy monkeys each for $10. Farmers knew that the forest was full of monkeys, and left running to hunt monkeys.
The man bought hundreds of monkeys at $10 each. The supply ran out and he raised his bid to US$ 20 a piece and the farmers ran again to the forest.
Again, the supply of monkeys decreased, and the man increased the price to $25, and the farmers returned to the forest, hunting the few monkeys that were, until it was already almost impossible to find one. He increased the rate to $ 50 for buying each monkey, but informed that he would be back in few days as he needed to bring more funds from his headquarters and left in charge his assistant.
But there were no sellers since all the supplies of monkey had run out. The assistant told the locals that they could buy from him each monkey and sell them to his boss for $ 50 each, and make a clean profit of US$ 15 each.
The farmers joined all their savings and bought all the thousands of monkeys that were in the great cage, and waited for the return of the Boss.
Next day the assistant was missing. The cages of monkeys were still around.
Now you have clear notion of how the Stock market works.
Funny jokes on the recent financial crisis
Best way to deal with the crisis: Laugh it out.
Joke #1: Japan Banks
Following the problems in the sub prime lending market in America, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days, Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze Bank today were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
• Joke #2: Insufficient Funds
A friend had a check returned by his bank earlier chopped “Insufficient Funds,” Whose funds: the bank’s?
• Joke #3: Money Talks
Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word — Goodbye.
• Joke #4: Nigerian Scam
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully,
Minister of Treasury Henry M. Paulson
• Joke #5: Henry Paulson Jogging
US Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson was out jogging in Central Park, New York. All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some bushes with a gun.
The masked man said, “Give me all your money!”
Unwilling to do so, Paulson said, “You can’t do this, I’m the Treasury Secretary!”
The man then replied, “In that case, give me MY money!”
• Joke #6: Lehman Brothers and George Bush
US President George Bush: I am saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman Brothers. My thoughts go out to their mother as losing one son is hard but losing two is no doubt a tragedy.
• Joke #7: Mergers and Consolidations
Because of the ongoing market turmoil, several companies are merging in order to survive. Some results of these mergers:
* Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become –> Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace
* 3M and Goodyear will merge and become –> MMMGood
* FedEx is expected to join its competitor UPS to become –> FedUP
* Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become –> Fairwell Honeychild
* Victoria’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge and will call themselves: TittyTittyBangBang
Jokes from Poland about the crisis
What's the definition of optimism? An Investment Banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening.
What's the difference between any investment banker and God? God doesn't think he's a banker.
Record unemployment levels have been announced today as the credit crunch tightens its grip. Icelandic bank robbery is reported to be among the worst hit sectors.
What do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
A man went to his bank manager and said: 'I'd like to start a small business. How do I go about it?'
'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
The credit crunch is getting bad, isn't it? I mean, I borrowed a friend of mine US$ 5000 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now fourth biggest lender.
Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"
ORIGIN BORN AFRICAN MANAGING AMERICA
As forwarded by a financial consultant, in Dubai.
Recession is coming... make your own judgment, don't panic!
Do what is wise.
The recession looks very eminent. It is really time to take pro active steps to avoid a painful time in the next two years which is how long the recession is expected to last.
Suggestions:
1. Don't take any loans; buy homes, properties with loans, or even cash. Keep as much cash as possible.
2. Pay off as much of personal loans, private loans, as debt collection will be hastened.
3. Sell any stocks you can even at lower prices.
4. Take money off from Trust Funds.
5. Don't believe in huge sales forecast from customers, be extremely prudent, lowest inventories, reduce liabilities.
6. Don't invest in new capital.
7. If you are selling homes/ properties/ cars, do it now, when you can get good prices, they are going to fall.
8. Don't invest in new business proposals.
9. Cancel holiday plans using credit cards.
10. Don't change jobs, as companies will retrench based on 'last in first out'.
Stay cool, wait, and if you took all of the above actions and more, you probably will be better off then many. This is not a rumor.
Bear Stearns is the first of many banking and financial institutions that will start falling in the not too future. If Bear Stearns can fall, so can JP Morgan, Citibank [just save by the US Govt.], HSBC, and the whole world. If US economy falls, the rest will crumble.
India and all those self economies will be the most protected, but not gullible.
Europe may be a little stronger, but not China, another giant place!
Malaysia will see significant impact. Be alert and pass this to your friends!!!
Allow Your Own Inner Light to Guide You
There comes a time when you must stand alone.
You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams.
You must be willing to make sacrifices.
You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved.
Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged.
There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities.
Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better.
Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by.
Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.
Don't stand in someone else's shadow when it's your sunlight that should lead the way.
Jhule Lal.
Vishnu Hathiramani. Manila.